0
0
was successfully added to your cart.

Cart

Tag

grief & loss

May 07
0

Be Still?

By | All Blog Posts, Tea & Empathy | No Comments

The following is the full text of the May edition of my monthly column, Tea & Empathy, in the Redmond UMC Newsletter. Click here to go to the RUMC website to download the newsletter.

Be still and know that I am God
– Psalm 46:10

This well-known scripture is frequently heard in our Christian communities. It’s often used as a reminder to us not to worry, to relax and trust in God. It may be used to remind us that “God is in charge” and allow us to let go in situations where we are trying to control something that really cannot be controlled. But what does this really mean, to “be still”? I am wondering how many of us are able to really and truly be still. To be quiet—silent even!—with ourselves.

Several years ago, while I was in seminary, I went on a three-night private retreat. I saw the value in being alone with my thoughts, and planned to spend a good portion of time there in silence and prayer. What I discovered, unfortunately, was that going from “60 to 0” was quite a shock to my system. I had been so accustomed to working hard, filling my time, running from one place to the next, that to truly stop and be quiet was overwhelming. All my demons, all my fears and anxieties and other painful emotions, suddenly became unavoidable. Unequipped to deal with such a shock to my system, I left the retreat early.

As I look back on this experience of my younger self, I realize that what I needed was not to go from “60 to 0” but instead to first try going from “60 to 55” and then work from there. When we come to understand that we need to spend more time being still, it’s important to realize that the process needn’t be an overwhelming shock to our system. It can be a slow and gentle process of learning to acknowledge those demons, to simply have (rather than trying to avoid) those painful emotions.

If you are feeling the need or the Spirit’s pull to “be still,” how about taking ten or fifteen minutes each day to turn off the TV, silence the phone, and take some time to simply breathe and pay attention to what’s going on in your body. In the stillness, just breathe in and out, and check in with your heart, mind, and body. Ask yourself what sensations you are experiencing, what feelings you are having. And when you feel a painful feeling—like anger, sadness, or fear—try to just experience it rather than avoid it or talk yourself out of it.

I believe some people can do this on their own, but most will need resources of support in this process. A book I strongly recommend to those feeling the pull to learn how to “be still” is Shadows of the Heart by the Whiteheads. Another resource that can be very useful is spiritual direction or counseling, especially if you begin to feel overwhelmed or stuck. Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you need some assistance in finding resources.

The concept of being still can be scary and overwhelming, but stillness is a precious gift that God has given us. Don’t miss out on it because the demons have gotten overwhelming. There is hope. We can all know what it means to “be still and know that I am God.”

Dec 01
0

An early-arriving Christmas may bring us joy or pain

By | All Blog Posts, Tea & Empathy | No Comments

The following is the full text of the December edition of my monthly column, Tea & Empathy, in the Redmond UMC Newsletter.  Click here to go to the RUMC website to download the newsletter.

This year, two radio stations (106.9 and 95.7) both started playing Christmas music at midnight on Saturday, November 13th. Years ago, 106.9 played Christmas music the weekend after Thanksgiving, which turned into Thanksgiving day, then the weekend before Thanksgiving, and this year the weekend before that. So, if it seems to you like Christmas is coming earlier and earlier every year… well, you are right!

Some of you are excited about that; I know because I have seen the twinkle in your eyes as you talk about Christmas coming and I have seen your Facebook statuses celebrating the arrival of Christmas music on the radio. But some of you are less than excited about it. You may be concerned that by the time Christmas actually comes, you will be tired of Christmas. Or perhaps you are a theological pedant and insist that we are in advent; Christmas does not come until midnight the 25th!

I have been in each of these positions over the years. Some years I’ve been way too excited about Christmas to wait, while other years I’ve wished that culture could hold off a bit. This year, what strikes me is that perhaps we are all in need of a bit of a lift.

Let’s face it, RUMC. We’ve been in an economic recession for two years. Money is still tight for many of us; and for some of us we are out of work or worried about lay-offs. On top of that, many of us have been dealing with illnesses and the loss of loved ones. For some of us, maybe we just need to have a reason to celebrate.

Christmas music may give us a new spring in our step. The thought of children ripping paper off of presents with delightful anticipation may bring a smile to our face. Sometimes seeing the twinkling lights and hearing jingle bells warms and soothes our heart. And if that brings you the hope, joy, love, and peace that we celebrate throughout advent, then I say this is a good thing.

I also want to recognize that for some of us, the holidays may bring the opposite feelings of what I’ve just described. Some of us may feel anxiety about gift-giving with finances being tight, others of us might feel the pain of missing a loved one who is far away or has passed away. If you find yourself in this position, please know that you are supported and prayed for by your church family. Don’t hesitate to share your prayer requests with us. And if you need someone confidential to talk to, my door is always open.

Bottom line: do what you need to do this holiday season to be as happy and safe as you need to be, and let’s all collectively decide not to worry about what anyone else thinks!

Jul 04
0

A word of encouragement for the oppressed

By | Words of Encouragement | No Comments

A scripture reading: Isaiah 61:1-3 (NRSV).

The spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
because the Lord has anointed me;
he has sent me to bring good news to the oppressed,
to bind up the broken-hearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and release to the prisoners;
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favour,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to provide for those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a garland instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, to display his glory.

The King James translates that eleventh line as “beauty for ashes,” which tends to be a well-known (and oft-sung) phrase in Christendom precisely because it is so comforting. The idea that God will bring us beauty for ashes—give us a garland—brings joy and hope out of a situation that often leaves the oppressed angry or depressed.

Jun 02
0

A word of encouragement for those who are grieving

By | Words of Encouragement | No Comments

From the Mystic Odes of Rumi:

Our death is our wedding with eternity
What is the secret? “God is One.”
The sunlight splits when entering the windows of the house.
This multiplicity exists in the cluster of grapes;
It is not in the juice made from the grapes.
For he who is living in the Light of God,
The death of the carnal soul is a blessing.
Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad.
Fix your eyes on God and do not talk about what is invisible,
So that he may place another look in your eyes.
It is in the vision of the physical eyes
That no invisible or secret thing exists.
But when the eye is turned toward the Light of God
What thing could remain hidden under such a Light?
Although all lights emanate from the Divine Light
Don’t call all these lights “the Light of God”;
It is the eternal light which is the Light of God,
The ephemeral light is an attribute of the body and the flesh.
…Oh God who gives the grace of vision!
The bird of vision is flying towards You with the wings of desire.

Jun 02
0

Tea & Empathy June 2010 – Turn, Turn, Turn

By | All Blog Posts, Tea & Empathy | No Comments

“To everything, turn, turn, turn / There is a season, turn, turn, turn” says a popular Byrds song.  Is your life turning?  Perhaps you or a family member are graduating preschool, high school, or graduate school.  Perhaps you have recently begun a new job, or lost an old one.  Perhaps you’ve been diagnosed with a new illness, or an old illness has gone in remission.  Perhaps a new relationship has begun for you; perhaps one has ended.  Our lives are often in flux, and my guess is that most of you reading this are experiencing a turning somewhere in your life.

The Byrds song is loosely based on Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, which reads:

3For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
2a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
3a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
4a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
5a time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
6a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
7a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
8a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

I find this scripture both challenging and comforting.  It is challenging in the sense that it reminds us that there is a time for both things that are pleasant and things that are unpleasant; time for things that are joyful and that are painful.  It reminds us that our joys and pleasures are temporary, for a season of mourning will come too; this challenges us to enjoy and savor those moments when they come.

It is also comforting because it reminds us that even when things are painful, or scary, or very difficult, we are in the midst of a season that will, truly, pass.  Sometimes in the midst of a deep depression or an excruciating grief, we may forget there was ever a time of joy and have a hard time believing there ever will be a time of joy again.  This passage in Ecclesiastes reminds us that all of these times pass eventually.  If now is a time for weeping or mourning or loss for you, take comfort in knowing that there will soon be time for laughter and dancing and seeking.

You are invited to a Transitions Workshop, led by Katie, on Saturday, July 17th from 1:00-3:00pm in the Fellowship Hall.  We will examine the ways that we experience all of life’s transitions, large and small, joyful and painful, and learn strategies for coping with the painful aspects of transitions.  A free will offering will be collected for the counseling scholarship fund.


May 02
0

Tea & Empathy May 2010 – Mother’s Day

By | All Blog Posts, Tea & Empathy | No Comments

This month the community celebrates Mother’s Day, a day that for many can be a wonderful time to share gratitude and love between mothers and children. For some, however, the day may bring other feelings—sadness, grief, or disappointment. Some of us are missing a mother who has passed away, some of us wish that we had more healthy relationships with our mothers or children, and still others of us want children and don’t have them. Mother’s Day can be a reminder of the joy of the gift of family and it can also be a reminder of that which we no longer have or never had.

But whether Mother’s Day is a joyous or difficult occasion, I think it is an excellent opportunity for all of us to reflect on the mothering aspects of God. As we know, there are many images for God found throughout the Bible and in Christian tradition. Most of the images are male but there are female images as well. One that is particularly relevant to Mother’s Day is found in Luke chapter 13. Jesus says, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem… How often have I desired to gather your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings!” This gives us the image of God as a mother hen, drawing her chicks into the safety and comfort provided by the loving embrace of her wings.

Another image of a mothering God that has been on my mind recently is the image of the “babywearing” mother. Some mothers choose to carry their babies in a sling on their person most of the time. This doesn’t work for all families, but when it does work it can be a beautiful thing. And I wonder what it would be like if we really felt ourselves being held and carried by a babywearing mother God at all times.

Whatever your experience of Mother’s Day is this year in your community and family, I invite you to use it as a time to reflect on how images of God as a mother can deepen and enrich your relationship with Her.

Apr 04
0

Tea & Empathy April 2010 – Easter

By | All Blog Posts, Tea & Empathy | No Comments

This month I begin a new monthly column for the Redmond United Methodist Church newsletter called Tea and Empathy.  Here is April’s edition:

The eleventh chapter of John tells us about what Jesus was doing just before the Passion Story begins.  He has arrived at the home of his dear friends, Mary and Martha, as they are grieving the death of their brother Lazarus who died four days prior. The two women have very different reactions to Jesus’ arrival.

Martha’s conversation with Jesus is primarily theological; they have a nice little talk about Martha’s faith that Lazarus will be resurrected in the last days when all are resurrected.

Mary’s reaction to Jesus is a little less, shall we say, “spiritual” or “rational” about the whole thing.  Mary has been weeping, deeply distraught, and many others have been with her consoling her.  She cries out to Jesus, saying only, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died!”  Mary doesn’t have any less faith than Martha in Jesus as Lord, but in this moment she is expressing her deep pain and anger over her loss.

Jesus, in response to Mary’s pain, weeps with her.

What is remarkable about this is that Jesus has known since before he even arrived that he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead—he all but says so in previous verses.  And yet even though he knows that in a few short moments Lazarus will be alive again, he still weeps.   Jesus’ response to human suffering is empathy—feeling with—and because Mary is in deep pain, Jesus too experiences emotional pain.

Easter brings with it the amazing story of the way that love conquers death, reminding us that one day we will be reunited with those who’ve passed on, because physical death is not the end of life.  While this is a beautiful sentiment and may be helpful in our healing process when we are grieving, it doesn’t stop us from weeping in the here and now of the deep pain of loss.  Jesus’ empathic weeping with Mary affirmed the goodness and rightness of human emotion, and tells us that we do not have to suffer in those feelings alone.

So this Easter, if you are able, celebrate with Martha that Jesus is the resurrection and the life!  But if you are like Mary, feeling sad or angry or grieving, allow Jesus to weep with you, and know that you are not alone.