I spend Wednesdays in the Green Lake neighborhood. While driving home via I-5 south, it’s not uncommon to see folks standing on the bridges over the freeway, holding political signs and waving at the stop-and-go traffic below.
This evening, a man was standing on the 45th street bridge holding an “Approve 74” sign with a simple “Thank You” sign above it. I waved at him, as my car crawled slowly toward the bridge. He waved back at me, and pointed enthusiastically at the thank you part of the sign, and I burst into tears.
In my tears were several mixed emotions. I was moved by his joy and gratitude. I was feeling relief from the months of anxiety I’ve carried about this referendum. I felt angry that he hadn’t had this right all along, and that his rights had been put in the hands of the voters at all. I felt sad and disappointed that the margin is still so close that the officials are not yet willing to call it a win.
Despite all that, here this man was, willing to stand in the cold, breathing in all the exhaust fumes from the cars below, to demonstrate his gratitude for the WA voters who had approved 74.
I actually have mixed feelings about marriage in general. While I have experienced the benefits of a good marriage, I am also aware of the ways marriage can become problematic or harmful. I am all too aware of its patriarchal roots, the way that throughout most of human history marriage has been a way to codify male ownership of women. I am uncomfortable with the way our cultural focus on marriage upholds the pair-bond as the ultimate human relationship. I would whole-heartedly support models that would get the state out of the marriage business altogether, opening up new legal avenues to give rights (hospital visitation, etc.) to anyone we choose. Many of my gay and lesbian friends express their concern that marriage is the fight of the privileged, and that less privileged gay men and lesbian women have other, much more urgent, needs. All of these things remain caveats in my mind when I am thinking about marriage equality.
And yet.
Like the man waving enthusiastically out in the cold despite the obvious problems with it having been on the ballot at all, I remain hopeful and joyful about the passing of Referendum 74 despite my concerns about marriage. This is one more step toward justice. This is a sign that previously closed minds and hearts can be opened by truth and love. Even with all those concerns and caveats mentioned above, this is still a beacon of hope.