On September 17th and 18th, 37 women joined together for the annual Redmond UMC’s women’s retreat. Our topic for the weekend was self-care, and I was teaching about it in a series of workshops focused on Mind/Heart, Body, Soul, and Community. It became clear to me by the end of the retreat that I wasn’t practicing what I had been preaching, as I was exhausted and came down with a cold the next day. I had spent the weekend teaching the women of RUMC much of the wisdom I have gathered about self-care, but I had managed, in so doing, to neglect my own self-care that weekend. I had allowed myself to stress out about staying on schedule, to worry about how some of my teaching would be received, and to obsess over details that others could have handled.
Some might say, “such is the life of a minister.” In fact, I have heard the sentiment many times that of people in the caring professions, such as counseling, teaching, nursing, and ministry, it’s considered normal and even expected that we extend ourselves, stretch ourselves, set our own needs aside for the good of others. But the problem with this is that ultimately, these behaviors lead to burnout. I spent several days recovering from having expended too much effort over the weekend; how much recovery would be required if I continually did that, week after week, year after year?
On Friday evening I opened up the weekend with the question, “why bother with self-care?” My first answer was that we must care for ourselves before we can care for others. There is a reason that flight attendants say, in the event of an emergency, to secure our own air masks before putting an air mask on children traveling with us! But there is a second reason, perhaps even more important. That second reason is that we are worth it. We are sacred children of God, created with love and precious in God’s sight. Why engage in self-care? Because we are worth it.
As I reflect on all of this, I keep coming back to Psalm 46:10, which says, “be still and know that I am God.” Be still. And know. That I am God.
So now, it is time for me to really put my own words into practice. I’m not going to berate myself for having failed to care for myself that weekend. Instead, I’m going to trust that some of what I shared was useful to the women gathered; that the knowledge and wisdom I’ve gained and shared with them will help them as they care for themselves. I’m going to do what I exhorted the women to do: release control, listen to my body and my soul, and trust in God. And I’m going to be gentle and patient with myself when I don’t quite manage to do these things.